hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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