yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
