I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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