If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize