just survived the first fart of the relationship.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
