where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
