The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
