i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
