I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
