He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
