It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
how drunk are you?
Several
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
