I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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