never play flip cup with pint glasses
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
My ATM looks so different sober.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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