He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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