I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
