sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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