I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
