Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
