oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
