There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize