i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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