I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
