Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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