I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
