Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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