i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
