I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
