I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
