I think i peed on brittanys purse
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
