he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
