Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Why can't burritos get me drunk
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
