i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
