you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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