He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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