They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
