If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize