He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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