I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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