and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
