the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
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