Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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