I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
