I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
