I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Let's paint friendship bongs
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Randomize
