My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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