I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
