But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
