Banned from zoo.
Again?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize