My room smells like vodka and shame
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize