this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
