i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
PANTIES FOUND
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