this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
