So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
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