don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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