Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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