I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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