I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
