Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
