More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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