found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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