This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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